Finding Light: A Prayer for Wisdom and Forgiveness

Despite life's events, the acts I've chosen to participate in, even the most perspective-shifting times I've been through, leave me with the same sense of self I've always had. I thank God for the peace of having an immovable, strong place to return to. Choices are the sole navigation tool I've found to help keep me there. I don't choose what thoughts come, but I decide what to do with them. I don't always remember to hold myself to that level of responsibility, and I get off track. I will myself, with the help of the spirit I want with me versus the ones who are always attempting to mislead me, to find myself in a place that feels right.

Some questions beginning to arise at this point include: how, knowing of all the great and small tragedies of the world, am I ever supposed to feel easy? Of the times I've chosen wrong, am I forgiven? How do I find forgiveness, and how much of my perspective is the same as others around me? Am I alone? A place I find myself in is looking at the meaning of infinity, full of fear but more full of hope. The vastness of it leaves a sense of loneliness, even when I know I’m not alone. It could all be a dream teaching me to be a certain way or produce something, but why me? I am convinced by reality. What is my goal, or what goal does God have for me? Is it the same for all of his followers? Jesus wants us to Love each other, be truthful, find understanding in him, and help or comfort anyone we can. Personally, my biggest struggles have been centered around truthfulness.

In the confusion of the thoughts that arise, remember how to return to this or whatever your motivation may be. Stay with thoughts you know are true. A thought I can think of is always there if I’m awake. I am awake, but why am I here? This one always hits me. I was born, I have lived through my time, and every choice has led me here. Am I happy here? It’s hard to say I’m satisfied for reasons I’ve already mentioned, but what am I doing to help those I worry about? I work to help my family and feed myself, but what good do I do outside of them? I ask for help.

Lord Jesus, let me hear and understand where the real problems are that I am supposed to work out, and help me act on them with the help of your spirit. Thank you for the opportunity to live and for all you do for us.

Amen.

Image: Feelings. Painted by Bryon David.

Bryon David is just one “weird” person and a sinner trying to do his best. “I believe Jesus Christ is the one true God and my only hope. I believe this after much time spent challenging this belief in many ways. He truly is the only way I know. I write when I feel inspired–fiction, true stories, thought trains, and prayers when they can help someone.”

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